About Me

Tears streamed down my face as I sat in front of the computer at 3 am, exhausted and wishing sleep would come.  I typed my request into the private prayer group chat:

“Please.  Can anybody pray for me, right now?”

The answer from Holland came quickly:

“I’m here.  What’s going on?”

 

As we typed words back and forth, she could sense my growing panic as thoughts overwhelmed me and the words she said next reminded me of the love of my Father,

God is telling me to tell you to:
“Be Still and Know that I am God.”

Never had anybody given me any words from God before.  
I read my Bible.  I believed that what I read was true.
I prayed.  I sang.

But I had never “heard” God’s heart for me before.
In all my years in church, nobody had told me that He wanted to speak to me and I could listen for what He wanted to say to me. 

 

  • Hormones…
  • Stress…
  • Emotional Upheaval…
  • Lack of Sleep…

These are all pieces of the puzzle that resulted in my insomnia over the next 14 years, but counselling, talk therapy, coping management strategies and medication only addressed my obvious symptoms.  They didn’t heal the emotional roots of my illness nor did they address the enemy rights that made me susceptible in the first place. 

In December, 2017, it had been 14 years since my insomnia
first appeared and I was still coping with “symptoms” that
I couldn’t understand:

– why couldn’t I keep my weight stable?
– why couldn’t I sleep well without medication?
– why couldn’t I keep my home clutter-free?
– why couldn’t I homeschool my kids without feeling so frustrated?

After praying for years for fruits of the Spirit to fill me and change me,  

 

– why did I still feel so uncomfortable in my own skin?


One Sunday morning in December, 2017,
God gently started me on my journey to discovering the answers to these questions through a story.

And I was forever changed.

That particular morning, I was tired and distracted and was literally jolted to attention by the Pastor telling a story of a lion and two lionesses.

Two rangers at an African Wildlife Park wanted to move their trio of lions from one enclosure to another. 
They opened up a section of fencing, but the lions refused to go through. 

 The rangers put fresh meat on the new side, but still the lions just sat looking at the meat. 

Finally, the two lionesses moved away from the lion toward the meat.  They crouched low, slowly approached the opening and then went through. 

They smelled the meat, determined that it was good and without eating any of it, they brought it back to the lion.


Reading the book, “Splankna”, by Sarah Thiessen was the pivotal moment in my journey from Crushed to Crystal Clear.  I went from tentatively following the steps laid out in “The Emotion Code” by Dr. Bradley Nelson praying every step of the way and moving forward with much fear and trembling to trusting that God is able to keep me safe as I seek His will for my life to recognizing that “Splankna” was His answer to my prayers for safety as I 

Photos by on Unsplash.